The Love Dare--Day 40

I did this one up tonight so I could leave it in his car for him to find tomorrow morning.

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

Good morning, Andy! I love you!

I, Jessica, take you, Andy, to be lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child , I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I promise you, Andy, that I will always give you my unconditional love. I will love you for the rest of my life!

Love,
Jessica

The Love Dare--Day 39

Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

July 12, 2009

Dearest Rew,

I just wanted to write you and tell you how very much I love you. We have been through our ups and downs, but we have always weathered the storms together and come out on the other side seeing the sunshine together. I am so glad that I have you for a husband and I cannot imagine my life without you. You are a dear husband a great father and I couldn't love you more.

I don't ever want the word “divorce” to be part of our vocabulary or for either one of us to see it as an option. I want our children to always have their parents together and for us to set a great example for them that marriage can indeed work. I know that each of us has seen the effects of divorce on a family when we saw our own parents split up. That is something that I don't want to see happen to us ever and I vow to you that I will always try my best at making our marriage work and staying faithful to you. I will always try my best to do my very best by you.

I hope that our marriage will continue to strengthen and that we can keep Christ as the center of our marriage. I know that if we can do that He will always see us through. And I want us to see each other through this life and into the next where we can live happily ever after with God in Heaven with all of our family and friends.

I love you, Rew. I hope that you will always know that.

Your loving wife,

Jess

The Love Dare--Day 38

Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

I asked him and he said he wished there could be more time in the day. Obviously I can't make the day longer, but I can keep plugging away at learning better time management to give us more time that is free.

One thing that he was talking about to his Mom today about was that he was teaching himself to play his harpsichord and how he wished he would have taken advantage of the piano lessons they wanted him to do when he was young. It got me to thinking...a lady he works with also gives piano lessons. I'm going to see if I can figure out a way to surprise him with some lessons.

The Love Dare--Day 37

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

We pray nightly when we put the kids to bed, but I think it would be helpful to also have our include our own prayer time with just one another as a husband and wife and pray for things in our marriage and for our children and other things that we want to express in prayer together.

The Love Dare--Day 36

Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

This is actually something that I would love to start doing as a family. There is also a marriage devotional that I have that I need to start doing, so maybe now is the time to start that as well.

This chapter also says the following "God has a plan for the way you handle your money. A plan for the way you raise your children. A plan for the way you treat your body. A plan for the way you spend your time. A plan for the way you handle conflict. Isn't it just like your Maker to know exactly what you need?

These are all big things to work on and I want to start taking the babysteps to be better about all those things with the help of the Lord. Lord, help me to become a better person and to be better with all of these things.

The Love Dare--Day 35

Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

I have a couple Christian girlfriends that I share things with and we give Christian advice to one another. However, I think if we ever truly needed some real help for any issues, we can always talk with our priest.

The Love Dare--Day 34

Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.

I thanked him for helping support me in taking care of our children. He's always there to help out with anything I need (99% of the time). I wanted him to know that I appreciated that. He is a great father and husband!

What a hard week...

Tuesday, we took Josiah to his T-ball game. He was so defiant with his coaches. They'd put his helmet on and he'd jerk his head and toss it off. They'd tell him to do something and he'd throw his glove on the ground and tear his hat off. He was running up and hitting the coaches and I was so embarrassed. To top it all off, Little E's behaviors are escalating and she refuses to listen to anything, she laughs when we try to redirect her or discipline her and she cannot sit still. We were sitting in the bleachers while Andy was trying to talk to Josiah. Little E was all over that bleacher, then she was trying to get into other people's cups, and she just doesn't have any sort of boundaries. We've been working on it, but she just doesn't get it. Then, one of the ladies turned around to talk to her and she wanted her sunglasses. I told her no. Everytime the lady turned her head, Little E would try to grab them off of her face. She got Baby T pointing fingers in the ladies face because if Little E wanted them then Baby T had to want them to. I got so frustrated that I finally sent Little E down to stand next to Andy so that she could burn off some energy without bothering the people in the stands.

Today, was visit day. The kids got up and I got them dressed for their visit and Little E was in a mood, she was trying to dump water all over my bathroom and I told her that we weren't playing in the bathroom. I was down on her level talking to her when she spit in my face. I wound up putting her in time out and explaining that her behavior was not acceptable and that we just don't do that to people and that it's not nice. She laughed. She did her time out and I finished getting everybody ready. I got the kids loaded up in the van and I realized that I forgot something. I told the kids to keep their seatbelts on and I would be back in 2 seconds. I literally walked into the front door, grabbed what I needed, and walked right back out to the van. I get out there and Deidra is crying. She had went in the back to help Little E get her seatbelt back on and was telling her that we were about to leave for her visit and Little E had kicked her and spit at her. She yelled at Deidra saying she didn't want to go. She had just been excited about seeing her Mommy when she first got up. I'm thinking that visits are starting to get very confusing to her. We get to the visit and I ran the kids in and she was doing ok. I talked to their Mom for a minute and I told the girls I'd be back later. Went to pick them up and the girls come outside. Little E tries to run into the street and the case aide and I both ran after her. I told the case aide that she sounded just like me because I'm always saying her name at least 3-4 times before she "hears" me. Anyway, she helped me get the girls in the van and she asked me if Little E was always so defiant because I guess she was a real handful in the visit today. I told her that lately she has been SUPER defiant and refuses to listen. The case aide said that she put her in time out for something and was shocked that Little E just laughed about it. I told her that's how she's always been. Discipline means nothing to her...it's very hard to get through to her...everything is hilarious. I told her that I'm starting to wonder if something isn't going on with her and I was going to bring all this up when I took her for her phsyical next week to see if the doctor could shed any insight. I know some of Mom's history too and I'm wondering if that really hasn't affected her brain to where she can't process consequences and right and wrong in some way. I had to run something up to my Mom at work afterwards and she came outside and met me. I asked her if she'd sit with the kids a minute while I ran in to use the restroom. I came out and they were all acting up and I was trying to discipline them and talk to her about some things on Saturday that we all had going on. She kept telling me "I feel sorry for you today with all that to listen to." They would not settle down, so we finally left so I could go feed them lunch and so forth before we had to be at doctor appts. We had to bring Josiah up for his doctor's appt and the doctor was just watching the kids for a minute and then he'd look at me. He finally said to me "you have the patience of a saint, I don't know how you do this everyday...you obviously have 3 of them with some things going on." I just nodded and said I do what I have to do. I love them dearly and I try to do the best that I can with all of them. He was trying to take Josiah's blood pressure and she kept reaching over and turning the machine off and I couldn't do anything as I had Baby T fussing in my lap and I was trying to keep Josiah still enough with my other hand. Then Little E threw a fit when she couldn't play with the machine. We kept trying to tell her it wasn't a toy. The nurse finally got up and told the kids if they coudl sit still she'd give them a sticker. Too bad, she didn't come up with that plan at the beginning of the appt. lol. Then, I had to take Baby T to the doctor for a diaper rash that wouldn't go away...she's got a bacterial infection. We had to wait 45 minutes for the appt and Little E was defiant as ever over anything and everything throwing fit after fit after fit and badgering her sister to make her cry the whole time. Then, she started clowning around in her chair and wouldn't sit still for anything, she was trying to turn the lights off, tear the posters off the wall, get into the cupboards. She threw the toys at the kids. I put her in time out and it was a battle and a half. When she wouldn't sit still in the chair and kept flailing around everywhere in it, I put her on the floor. I turned around to deal with Baby T who was way overtired and screaming and crying over everything to hear Deidra tell me that Little E had just torn something off the wall. I turn around and she's got a whole strip and chunk of drywall in her hand. I told her she was going to tell the doctor what she did and apologize for it. All she would say was "no." The doctor finally comes into the room and Baby T didn't want her looking at her diaper rash and Little E kept trying to push the doctors charts off the counter. I was about ready to pull my hair out. We finally got out of there with Baby T's prescription and the doctor asked me how many kids I had and she told me how she was also an adoptive mom to her youngest child. She asked me if I had any others besides the ones that were there today and I laughed. She said she has some patients tell her that they have 6 or 7 more at home, so she was just curious. I told her I had my hands full with who I had today, but we'd see what the future brings. She smiled and told me I was doing a good job. I packed up the kids and Baby T proceeded to scream and yell all the way to the pharmacy and back home. I put her and Little E down in their room for some quiet time and they both took a short nap before we had to go to Deidra's volleyball practice. Josiah didn't get to go to his t-ball practice tonight since he has also been very defiant and not wanting to listen today. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. Like I told my Mom...I know that all this has got to be so hard for these kids to go through at their ages and I try my best to remember that and not take it personally, but days like these are hard. She told me "I feel sorry for you today, but just remember that God sees all your hard work with these kids and He will reward you for all that you do." That was the breath of fresh air I needed to hear. Now the kids are in bed and Deidra is about to head there too. I have a stomach ache and my lower back is hurting. I think I may go head for a bubble bath. I'm thinking about hiring our own respite person that can come in and help out and watch the kids while I'm dealing with other doc appts for the other kids and who can come in at times to give Andy and I a break. Maybe go on a date and have some time to connect without constant interruptions. All this said, I do feel extremely blessed to have these kids in our home and to be a family together. I just have my hard moments sometimes.

Introducing Josiah...

Intoducing our toddling baby boy, Josiah! We adopted him officially yesterday! Sorry, I was so busy uploading pics to various places yesterday, that I realized this morning that I forgot to update my blog!

We had to be to court at 8 am yesterday morning. We waited outside the court room and met with our adoption workers and the attorney before court. Court began at 8:30 am and we were the 2nd family to adopt. Josiah was very excited about his adoption day, but once we got to court and in front of the judge he got a bit scared. The whole process took maybe 5 minutes and I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but when I was answering the attorneys questions the tears started. we got photos with the judge and Josiah thought it was cool that he got to sit on the judge's desk. The judge let Deidra and Josiah pick a stuffed animal afterwards and then we just had to wait for our copy of the adoption decree. We headed back towards home and went and got our family pictures taken. I'll e-mail those shortly. Then, we headed over to our foster/adopt agency where we celebrated Josiah's adoption with everyone. We did a candle lighting celebration and lit a candle for his birth family, for Josiah, for our family, for our caseworkers, for our foster agency, and for everyone else that had been a part of his life. Then, we walked out to the bell tower and our family rang the bell to signify that a child had found their forever home. Then, we came back inside and did gifts and cake. We took some pictures and then we wound things up. They put a leaf with his name and adoption date (however, I just noticed that they had his adoption date down as yesterday, so his date is wrong...emailing them to see about fixing that) and who he was adopted by on their wall. It was really nice.

The Love Dare--Day 33

Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

We talked a little about our goals and getting back on the same page. We do good about sitting down and looking at the budget together and then we get busy and Andy sits down and does the bills and budget himself while I take care of other things. I told him that we needed to sit down the both of us and go over things together so that we make sure that we are on the same page again. We talked about some goals that he wanted to accomplish by his birthday and we are really working towards becoming debt-free and so I wanted him to know that I was committed as well. I also had a couple of vacations in mind, including a little weekend get-away with just him and I that I wanted to sit and talk about.

The Love Dare--Day 32

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

This is one area that we don't necessarily lack in, but I feel the chemistry between us is lacking. My drive has always been higher than his and that can be frustrating for me and if I try to initiate anything, a lot of times I have to wait for him to finish whatever he is doing first. Whereas, if he wants it on the rare occasion that he does initiate, I will 99% of the time give it to him. I don't believe in witholding that from one another. He's a night owl and I'm not, so most of the time if I do ask and he's says "maybe" he'll wake me up and he thinks that's totally ok. It's hard for me to wake up sometimes to do that, but I do my best. Other times, I make myself stay awake to wait for him and I get so darn tired that it's hard for me. He's just not very spontaneous anymore and I take it personally even though he tells me not to. It would just be nice to feel that my husband really desires me sexually sometimes...to be told that I look pretty or nice...to be given kisses and hugs without having to seek them out myself...just little things like that. We made love a couple nights ago and as much as I tried to get into it, the chemistry between us really lacked. Yesterday, I bought a new nightgown that I thought was rather revealing and thought it would put him in the mood. I even suggested that we go to the bedroom and all I got was a "maybe." I fell asleep on the couch and he woke me up a couple hours later to go to bed. Off to slumberland we both went.

The Love Dare--Day 31

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

I know that Andy sometimes feels torn between what his family wants us to do and what we want for ourselves and there's been many issues where he hasn't stuck up for me to his family that have hurt me. I've forgiven him and we move forward. I think the distance between us and his brother and his wife have been good for our marriage and I think the fact that we no longer live close to his Dad has been good for us. Granted, Andy and I my Mom sometimes clash and that can cause fights and my Mom didn't like it last Thanksgiving when I stuck up for my husband and we left rather than stay at her house. But, I later explained to her that I wanted Andy to understand that we need to stick up for one another to our parents and that our parents need to respect us as well. Abba, I pray that You will always help Andy and myself to stay united as one in our marriage. It's not easy sometimes, but I pray that You will help and guide us.

This lack of communication is really starting to bother me...

I have said before that we're having issues with our speech therapist. She came out last Friday after 2 new shows and said that she had been sick and out of town and stuff. I let it go. She asked if she could see the girls Tuesday and Wednesday of this week and I said that was fine. What happens...she neither shows nor calls on Tuesday or Wednesday. Wednesday, we also had a make-up session of occupational therapy scheduled as we couldn't do it on Monday due to Baby J's adoption presentation. I asked the OT if she happened to know what was going on with the speech therapist as she's not showing for her appts. She told me she'd call the company. The company called her and didn't get an answer and so they left her a message. I guess she e-mailed them and said she had a severe case of mono and that her glands were so swollen that she couldn't talk. They told her she could have at least e-mailed them to let them know so that they could inform her families and that once she can talk she needs to get in touch with her families. Call me mean, but I told the OT that I don't buy it, she has got one excuse after another on why she never makes her appts and I hope they make her show up with a doctors note. I've been documenting all the appts that she's missed, not shown up for, or needs to reschedule all this month and it's already 2 pages long. I have to turn it in to my foster care agency with my monthly paperwork, but I think I'm also going to see about mailing a copy into the therapy company so they can see what she's been doing. I know she just recently told me she went back to school as well and that she could no longer make it up here in the mornings and needed to switch it to the afternoons. It's just a mess and I'm tired of it. Is it too hard to have set days and times and not have to reschedule, reschedule, reschedule?

Then, my foster care agency calls me yesterday and asks if I want Baby J on the play therapy schedule this week with the girls and I said that was fine. I sent her an email back asking though if we could do play therapy on the Thursdays that the girls didn't have their visits and she was going to get with the scheduler and get back to me. When I didn't hear back and the times for today, I just assumed that they had switched it to next week. I took the girls to their visit and we went and had lunch with Daddy and then we came home. Deidra was occupying the kids in the living room while I closed my eyes briefly as I was so tired and the kids were kinda catnapping on the floor when the phone rang. I told Deidra just to let it ring and I'd check messages in a little bit. She decided to answer it anyway and it my foster care agency. The play therapist wanted to know if I knew that my kids were on the schedule. I told her what all had been said yesterday and that nobody let me know the times and I just assumed it had been changed. She told me it was ok and that I didn't know, but I still feel bad. I called Andy to tell him what happened and he told me just to let it go and tell them to put us on for next week and that I'm not a mind reader. I've asked and asked for their play therapy schedule to be changed to the Thursdays that the girls didn't have their visits so that our Thursdays aren't so booked as our Thursday evenings are busy as well with 2 kids playing sports and they both have practice at the same time on Thursday nights. I don't think it helps that I've been dragging all day and am SO tired. I wasn't feeling the greatest yesterday or the day before and just muddled through...I think it's allergies...but I just want to sleep. I think I'm going to bed once I get Deidra and the girls home from volleyball practice tonight. Andy can put Baby J down for bed once they get home from t-ball practice. We should get home about the same time anyway.

The Love Dare--Day 30

Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

I see two things that can divide us. Andy chooses to look at the negative sometimes when things happen and can act very negatively in the way he talks sometimes. It drains me quicker than anything. However, I do call him on it sometimes and I do ask that he tries to be more positive as that is more uplifting and more encouraging.

The other thing that I really think we need to do is setting more time aside for "us." When I bring it up that we haven't really talked or anything in awhile, he's quick to say that he's busy with work and the kids are busy with sports and with everything going on it's just busy. I know it's busy around here better than anyone, but I really feel that we need to make sure that we go out and "date" and spend some time together without the constant interruptions.

Abba, I ask that you will reveal anything else that is threatening oneness with Andy and I pray that you will do the same for Andy as well. We need to be one with You.

Andy

Andy and I were sitting at Deidra's volleyball practice and he told me that he let work know that he wasn't going to go play disc golf with them next weekend. He said he got to thinking about things and he didn't want to have to miss Deidra's game in order to go and that's the weekend prior to Baby J's adoption and he knew that we had things to get finished up for that. And so, he said he'd catch up with them another time. I told him he didn't have to do that, I had it written on the calendar and I had a plan in place, but he said that our family stuff was more important. I asked him when the dates were for next month and I told him to let me know so I could put them on the calendar. I want him to have his "time out" as well.

I'm about to snap...

if one more person gives me a hard time or adds something to my plate, I'm going to lose it.

My Dad was here all last week and man is he needy. He had his last skin-cancer surgery and is now cancer free and for that I am thankful. He drove us all crazy while he was here though. He left Monday and while I was taking the kids to play at a play place, he calls me and says that he's sending my brother, Zach, over to get money to get his car fixed. (I do my Dad's finances since he's on the road all the time). Anyway, I informed him that I wasn't at home and he gave me a hard time. Well, my brother can call me and find out when I am going to be home...he does have the number. Anyway, later on that day my brother came over without notice and I didn't have time to get to the bank and if I could write him a check. He then informed me that I needed to make it out to someone else and I asked him for how much and he didn't know. I was floored. It's his car that needs to be fixed...how do you not know how much it is. So, I call Dad and he tells me the amount, I write the check and he leaves.

Then, I'm dealing with a whole mess with therapy. I can't live without a schedule and knowing when my therapy days and times are going to be anymore. For the longest time, I had set days and times and it worked out really well. Now, it's getting to be where I don't even know the day, let alone the time and I refuse to live this way anymore. So, they give me a referral to a new therapy company and they call and ask a bunch of questions on the dates and times that I was available for Baby T to have speech. I said I preferred mornings, but I would do 8-12 on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Fridays but once they started MDO in August again, we would only be available on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. They called me back and wanted to know why the times couldn't be later. So, I gave them Mondays from 8-11 (we do occupational therapy after that), Tuesdays from 8-2, Wednesdays from 8-2 and I said I could give them 8-2 on Fridays until August. I thought I did pretty well, they're still giving me a hard time about it and can't understand why I can't do anytimes later. Gee, it's a 45 minute appt and you're telling me you don't have someone that can do her therapy in that time frame? And I'm sorry, but I'm already giving them a time past when I prefer and I would like to be able to do some stuff with the kids during summer rather than just feeling like we're waiting for the therapy appts for the day to be over. The guy started asking me all kinds of questions and I told him look, my daughter is out of school for the summer but once school starts again I need to be able to bring her back and forth and I need therapy to be done by 2. Mondays, we do occupational therapy with another company and that lasts about 3 hours and she gets here sometime between 11-12. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are supposed to be my set speech therapy days. Thursdays are visit days for the girls, they have play therapy and med check that day as well. Fridays, I really would prefer to be my free day as I need a down day after all that goes on during the week. He let me know that they may be only able to do her speech therapy appt once a week. I told him I was fine with that. THe doctor didn't say she had to do it twice a week, it was our current therapy appt people that put her down for twice a week. I would be fine with once a week. So, I guess the lady is going to take Baby T and talk to me more about her schedule and what we can do when she comes out. I'm also going to try and get sensory therapy going for Baby J through this company since our own OT worker is so booked with just providing OT for everyone and she feels that Baby J really could use an extra session weekly just focusing on sensory stuff since he's so over the top right now.

Then, I get a phone call from my Dad telling me that his aunt died and wanted me to send flowers. However, he knows nothing and wants me to find out what I can online. I ask where she's from and what her name is and he tells me where he thought she was from and that he doesn't know how to spell her last name. I spent 45 minutes trying to find something out online and finally told him that I didn't have a problem sending flowers but he was going to have to do the legwork and talk to his family about where she was going to be at in the funeral homes and stuff. I can't do everything and I didn't know her at all to even have an idea of her name or anything. He got snippy, but finally got ahold of one of his sisters who gave him the information and I ordered flowers and had them sent today.

I am trying my best to honor my parents, but it just seems that they both have stuff going on...I'm the run-to person and they overload me at times, yet when I ask for help they can't be bothered.

I've been reading a lot of books lately on certain things and the one thing that I keep finding is they keep saying that I have to have some time out and some time to focus on me so that I can keep going. So, I am trying to take a few minutes at the end of the day to pamper myself a bit. I feel guilty about it at times, but I know that I need to look out for me or nobody else will.